My 365

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Things My Children Have Taught Me...

I started thinking of all things children tonight.  From the good things to the not so good things.  Then I started compiling a list of things my children have taught me and before I knew there were 15 things and counting.  So I will post what I have so far and periodically add to it.  It's amazing all the things you didn't know before having kids!

1. How to open a locked door with a credit card.
2. Little noggins are hard, kids in the lap may result in a black eye.
3. A cut on a little finger bleeds a lot.
4. Only band-aids with cartoon characters on them will make the owie feel better.
5. If you hear water running anywhere, at any time, start running...and grab a towel.
6. If you don't hear anything at all, be afraid...then run a bath because silence usually equals mess.
7. Tall fawcets that swivel are a great tool to make waterfalls off the counter (see running water reference in item #5)
8. Showering, going to the bathroom and getting dressed alone are all private luxuries of the past.
9. Baby kisses are more valuable than gold.
10. That corn is not the only vegetable that doesn't break down digestively...edamame comes out intact as well.
11. Pepper spray may incapacitate a hardened criminal, but it just makes a toddler more powerful...and angry.
12. The temper tantrums of a 3 year old can break sound barriers and this phenomenon almost always happens in the grocery store.
13. Flat screen TV's tip easily and do not bounce.
14. You will discover a brand new level of rage when your child tests the flat screen TV theory.
15. God made children cute for a you will forget your new level of rage 5 minutes after it happened.  Otherwise, the human race would cease to exist past the age of 2.
16. Strawberry milk does not come out of matter what you use to clean it.
17. My computer, blackberry, phone and every other piece of electronic equipment have settings and features I never knew existed until my toddler changed them and I could no longer use these items.
18. Tech support does not have a dialogue for children locking me out of said electronic devices.
19. Beware of naptime after a child is out of the crib...this is prime, unsupervised, sneaky, get-in-trouble time.  I have had a bottle of sand poured out on my carpet, a entire bottle of baby powder emptied into my bedroom and an impromtu haircut all during naptime.
20.  Baby powder when released from it's vessel in it's entirety, will resemble a Middle Eastern sandstorm and will cling to every surface like glue, you will sneeze white powder for a week so beware of curious glances from folks who think you "have a problem".  It will not come out of carpets for a long time and your vacuum will smell like a baby's butt for quite a while.
21.  Along the baby powder line...diaper rash cream when used as paint will be the bain of your existence for a while.  That stuff is made to stick to a baby's butt, so what do you think it will do to a wall?  That's right...beware.

Wow, I started with 15 and then they just kept this normal or do I just have really "special" kids???  :)

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