Really?

So get ready for a good laugh.  My day today has given meaning to the saying "when it rains, it pours".  So I woke up with a to-do list already, because we were having the missionaries for dinner.  So I needed to clean, go to the store, take pictures of the trees outside (mom's request), was supposed to be on call with the tow company (will explain at a later date) and then cook dinner by 5:30.  So I go upstairs after discovering Gracie has helped herself to more than one donut (the exact count is undetermined).  I begin to fix the kids breakfast and go to put the eggs in the microwave and it just dies.  Now this is the second microwave to do this in the last week, because the primary microwave died previously and this is in addition to the dishwasher biting the dust before I even got here.  So a split second after the microwave dies Gabe drops his cup and chocolate milk explodes everywhere, including on me.  It did not spill, it exploded.  Ok, so not a great start to the day but I can trudge on at this point right?  Not so much.  I put the kids down for a nap and go into the bathroom downstairs (my bathroom in the basement) and discover that the sump pump has not been working and I now have water seeping in from the floor boards.  Not just water, but very stinky poo water.  Not pretty.  So amidst the hundreds of phone calls to Mom and Dad and potential plumbers I had to load the kids in the car while Gracie is having meltdown after meltdown because she once again, has not taken her nap.  We finally made it to the store where Gracie demanded that we get the cart with the stupid car on the front.  I hate this cart.  It is cumbersome and hard to manuver, but I sucked it up to avoid yet another meltdown.  So then I get home and begin to cook dinner when Gabe decides that it's a good time to climb on the back of the couch and reach over to the sink to turn the water on (something he does incessently) only this time he pulls the faucet over the counter that sits above the couch and creates a little waterfall on the sofa.  This all took place within seconds while my back was turned tending to dinner.  But dinner was delicious, the company was entertaining and the rest of the night was fine.  Only now I have no microwave, no dishwasher and currently no toilet.  Life is an adventure!  I did get some great pictures of the trees though!  Bonus!!

Spring

I'm finally seeing the first signs of spring and it always does the same thing to me.  There is something to be said for the old "Spring Cleaning"...not only in your house, but to clear the cobwebs out of your head as well.  I have been in such a funk for the last month with constant ups and downs and just feeling, well, lost.  I know some of that has to do with all the change lately, but I think some of it has been building for a while.  It's so hard to find direction and inspiration that I usually just find myself wandering in circles.  I feel passionate and inspired by a lot things, but I also tend to get overwhelmed easily and therefore founder when inspiration hits.  I would like to turn things around.  I am finally starting to feel somewhat comfortable in my own skin (it only took 29 years!) and I want to start coming out of my shell.  I want to find what makes me happy and do it!  The only problem is, I don't know what that is yet.  But I'm sure I will in time, at least I hope.  Until then, I'm going to be the best me I can be and not apologize for it anymore.  I don't have time to try and fit into everyone's box of what I should be.  I am finally accepting me for what I am and it's liberating.  Here's to Spring and new beginnings!!

A Shoulder to Lean On

I just finished watching "The Blind Side" which was an absolutley fabulous movie that I thoroughly enjoyed.  After the movie I went upstairs for a snack (gasp!) and just as I was about to head down the hall to go back downstairs I heard Gracie crying, making her way up the stairs.  Knowing that she was about to invade Mom and Dad's room I put my stuff down and went to intercept her trying to give Mom and Dad at least one night of uninterrupted dreams.  So I got to the top of the stairs and sat down blocking her then wrapped my arms around her and asked her what was wrong.  She buried her face in the crook of my arm before she said between sniffles the same thing she's been saying for the last few weeks, "I want Daddy back".  I've heard her say it at least two dozen times but at that moment I had to turn my face away from hers so she couldn't see the tears falling down my face and laid my cheek on top of her head trying to compose myself before I told her that I wanted him back too.  We sat there for a minute while I stroked her hair before she turned to look at me and asked why I was crying, which only made me cry more.  I just told her that I was sad because I missed Daddy too and that I was sad because she missed Daddy.  She seemed to understand and had stopped crying.  At this point I think she was holding me more than I was holding her.  We just sat on the steps holding each other, each one understanding the pain of the other.  I grabbed her bunny blanket and we went downstairs and I put her back to bed.  She seemed to be feeling better and oddly enough, so was I.  In that one brief moment we had together sitting on the stairs in the middle of the night I believe we grew closer than ever before.  I feel a weight lifted off of me, for the moment at least, and I hope she feels the same way.

Princess Extravaganza

Well, the much anticipated Princess Party was a success.  It took a lot of work and Mom started cracking the whip on me and Dad early in the day, but we made it and it was great.  All of Gracie's friends came and everyone had a great time making crowns and wands, playing Pin the Crown on the Princess and of course, the Castle pinata.  Mom made pink chocolate in her chocolate fountain, since she is now the expert and it was very popular!  It was great to reconnect with friends from church that I haven't seen in over a year and the kids seemed to have a great time.  So that's what I would call a success.  I'm glad we only have to do it once a year though, it takes about that long to recover from it!

Sleepless in Sugar Hill

I know everyone hates a party pooper and I promise every entry into this blog won't be depressing, but right now I can only feel what I feel.  The other night I was trying to go to sleep and I was certainly tired enough but as I laid there and stared at my phone I was sucker punched by the reality that I hadn't heard from Mike in a couple of days and he was really gone and I really couldn't just pick up the phone and call him.  I sat up in bed and just started crying.  Sitting in a dark, quiet room I had an overwhelming sense of loneliness, which is why I usually sleep with the t.v. on.  So I picked up my phone and posted on Facebook that he was gone and I was feeling it.  One of the reasons I love Facebook is that when you are feeling that alone you get on the computer and reach out to your online family...and just hope that someone is paying attention and is willing to reach back.  I appreciate all the support everyone shows and I understand it when someone tells me that "I'm strong" and I can handle it but sometimes I don't want to be strong.  I don't have the energy to put the brave face on.  I just want to lay my head on someone's lap where they would stroke my hair and just let me cry.  I just want to be held by the one person who can't be here to complete the task.  So I have to settle for sitting in bed in a dark room and crying by myself.  That's the loneliest feeling in the world.  So here I am again, late at night, unable to face that lonely bed in the dark room even though I could sleep on my feet at this point, reaching out to my everpresent online family...hoping for someone to pay attention.

Grocery Store Psychology

Do you ever worry about what the checker at the grocery store is thinking when your chosen fare goes scooting up the belt?  We all know that most men hate going in to buy our lady products, but do you ever look at what you have in your cart and think "what does this say about me?"  So tonight, for example, as I looked down the belt at what I had on there I started to cringe and wonder "what is this person going to think of me".  Pull ups, two toddler meals, chocolate milk, Entemann's chocolate donuts (a personal weakness), a people magazine and three monster's.  It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out I'm a stressed out mom.  Don't judge me.  ;)

Here's to you

After a refreshing weekend with Aunt Beth and Walt, I find myself sitting here with that feeling that you get the day after Christmas.  Stalled, lonely and struggling to cope with everyday life.  I know that I am luckier than a lot of people and that without the support of my family I would have been reduced to a pile of rubble long ago.  That being said, I still have days where it's hard for me to see past the next hour.  One of my favorite things to say is to take things "one day at a time" but a lot of the time it's hard for me to follow my own advice.  I have to take things one hour at a time and hope that I can make it to the other side.  Mike left for Colorado one week ago and as hard as that goodbye was, there is something else looming in front of me that I am afraid will be harder.  He leaves the country next Sunday in the wee hours of the morning.  There was a comfort of sorts last week when he left because I knew where he was and I could talk to him whenever I wanted.  But, soon we will be at the mercy of whatever communication the Military has provided.  We will be back to scheduling conversation via instant messaging, the occasional choppy and eventually dropped cell phone call and the classic handwritten letter that takes about two to three weeks to reach it's destination.  No matter where I am or who I am with to distract me during the daylight hours, when I come home I am still alone.  My bed is still empty and I will still miss him so much it physically hurts.  This is something that will not go away until he his home safe again and that time seems so far in the future that it's unbearable to think about.  But thinking is all I do at this time of night.  This is why I would like to just sleep the next year away, but that's not very realistic.  This life is hard, not just on me and my family, but on Mike, too.  Despite all that I still have this unwavering sense of pride in him and others like him.  I tear up at any showing of military appreciation because they deserve it...so much.  So I will do my part to support him from home, even if it means living day by day and hour by hour.  I love you, sweetheart and will count the days until you're home. 

Oh, My...

So as I was driving down the road today I noticed that at a stoplight there was a police car sitting opposite of me in the other lane.  So as I always do, out of curiosity, I looked over.  What I saw inside was no cop...it was a child.  That guy couldn't have been more than 12 years old, I swear!  This is the guy out there to protect my rights?  Opie?  Really? 

I have this guy protecting my "blanket of freedom" as he so aptly put it...

...and an adolescent protecting my civil liberties at home.  Yeah, I feel safe! :)

Forethought...

In the spirit of trying to keep a positive attitude, I tried thinking of a list of things I'm looking forward to in the near future.  Surprisingly, I had a lot of things to add to this list!

1. Gracie's Birthday Party

2. Decorating the downstairs and creating a haven

3. Getting to see Aunt Beth soon (hopefully)

4. Getting to see the rest of my family in Georgia as much and as often as I want!

5. Andy and Jessica coming out for a visit in June!

6. My birthday in June!!

7. The premier of Eclipse AND The Last Airbender in the same weekend!!!

8. Getting to see Rachel and seeing those movies with her

9. Seeing the kids this summer

10. Getting tattoos with Jess, Mom, Aunt Beth and Aunt Dale...and anyone else who wants to join in on the fun

11. Getting to hang out with Carol in Illinois

12. Being able to work on my photography and enjoying my favorite hobby

...and the most exciting one
13. Getting to see Mike again in November and going to DISNEY WORLD!!!

So I guess there are a lot of things to look forward to and when you have something to look forward to it's easier to get motivated and get through the everyday, mundane things you have to do.  It always helps to see a finish line!

Let it Slush...

Someone must have known that I was missing Colorado because He sent me some snow to remind me of home!  Granted, this isn't really snow, it's a very gloppy, heavy, wet slushy kind of snow.  It doesn't have that lovely quiet, serenity that Colorado snow has, rather it has a loud, wet, plopping sound.  It was nice to wake up to some white stuff nonetheless.  I came to really love Colorado and wish to go back someday.  I was sad when we first went out there, but I think that was more of an initial fear of change.  Other than my family, which is a BIG one, my flame doesn't really burn for Georgia anymore.  I had fun here, lots of fond memories, including meeting my Mikey, but it's time to move on and discover new places.  I blame my Dad for moving us around all the time when we were kids.  At the time I hated it, changing schools, new friends and all that...but when I look back I am grateful for those experiences.  It taught me how to be adaptable which has really played well into my life thus far.  The moving experience as a kid also led to an itch of sorts that I want to pick up and move after so many years in one place.  It's usually around 6 years, don't ask me why, that's just how it happened to work out.  Every 6 years I move.  So I will wait it out over the next year or so and when Mike gets home we will decide on what new frontier to discover!