What Memorial Day Means to Me

Normally I try to keep things light and happy on here, but today I feel obligated to post what I'm feeling and what I am feeling right now is anxious.  Memorial Day is tomorrow and I will admit that before I met Mike, I knew what Memorial Day was for, but I never appreciated what it really meant until I was involved in this world.  To honor our fallen soldiers...to honor those currently serving away from their families.  Having a barbeque seems kind of inane now.  Most people get a day off and most kids get out of school (if they're still in it) but that's usually as far as it goes.  You know what it means to me?  Anxiety.  It means that while I sit in church watching all the fathers walk the halls with their children, my husband is breaking his back in the sweltering heat wishing he had that priviledge.  It means that I spend every moment of consciousness worried about him, where he is, what he is doing and when I will get to hear his voice again.  He doesn't get to eat barbeque, although I'm sure he would love to.  He doesn't get to watch t.v. or go to the movies or go swimming.  He wakes up at 4:30 in the morning (for him) just so he can have a few minutes to talk to me via instant messenging because the rest of his day is so long and hectic that he doesn't get another chance.  Even then there are times he will go for a week without getting in touch with me.  Though I can't hear him, I can tell just from his typed messages that he's worn thin and that's another thing for me to worry about because I'm not there to help him!  We haven't heard each others' voices in over month.  My children haven't seen or heard their father in just as long.  The other day Gabe said (admittedly after a lot of coaching) "love, Daddy".  As sweet as it was for me to hear my little boy say those words, it would have been ever sweeter if his father could have heard him and that breaks...my...heart.  Don't feel sorry for me, that's not what this blog is about.  We chose this life and knew what we were getting into (sort of).  My point is this...enjoy your day off, enjoy your barbeque and enjoy your family, I don't want to take that from anyone.  Enjoy it because it's what all of us wish we were doing with our fragmented families.  All I ask is that on this day, you think about that and appreciate what you have in front of you, because somewhere near you, someone else's heart is breaking.